Back to Step One
by Soomin
Summary: Viktor loses his memory, and Yuuri is reminded why he fell in love him in the first place.


"Wow, it's pretty cold in here, isn't it?"

"That's why I told you to wear a coat."

There was a small chuckle in response and then, "You told me I was Russian. I thought I was supposed to be used to this kind of weather."

It happened three days ago. Everyone knew that when the rink was open, it was only serious business between the coaches. While one was known to be a little more lenient and kinder than the other, every skater knew not to get on their coaches' bad side. However, when everything was over, it was only laughs and jokes between them.

Since Yuuri's retirement, Viktor and Yuuri found themselves happy living vicariously through their students. Yuuri found himself teaching more of the beginner skaters while Viktor handled the students who wanted to go onto a professional career. While they were satisfied with their lives, both of them knew that they missed performing in front of a large audience, skating to their heart's content, and showing the world their skill.

As a result, they settled for skating for each other. To be honest, there was no other person they would rather skate for.

It was a small routine that Viktor was planning in his free time to a song his composer friend sent him. It was meant to be for a free skate program, but Viktor ultimately decided it would work best as a short program.

The song was had a soft melody that eventually grew louder and louder with instruments being added after every measure. To Viktor, he thought the music was telling a story of a small girl living in a tower all by herself. As she grew older, she grew taller and soon tall enough to look through a window and see the world she was missing. However, when she was finally able to look through the window, she was already too old and could not travel beyond the tower. She cried until her eyes were dry and died.

Yuuri had joked that Viktor was projecting. Viktor hugged him and asked if they could go visit Russia next month.

"Let my spoil you Yuuri. At least let me do that for you," Viktor had explained, his eyes unusually somber. Of course Yuuri had agreed. They bought tickets for their trip the next day.

There was a stupid mistake. There was just wasn't enough height in the jump, and Viktor was getting older. He shouldn't have been able to make the quad, and when Yuuri saw him fall a little too quickly, his heart stopped. When Viktor landed on his head, his hand darted for his phone and demanded someone to help him.

They told him that the damage was minimal. Yuuri thanked his thick skull for the first time in his lifetime. It would take a few days for him to wake up completely, for he was stepping in and out of consciousness. Yuuri felt as if the Earth began moving again, and he could finally breathe again.

Between classes, Yuuri stopped by the hospital everyday to tell stories, thinking Viktor could still hear him. He sometimes told stories about their last trip in Australia and how Viktor was too Russian and kept complaining about the heat. He also promised that they'll spend an entire month in Russia too, and they could go see another ballet – his favorite one.

Yuuri found himself crying a lot during those days.

It was on the third day of bed rest that Viktor woke up. Yuuri ran to the hospital the moment he got the phone call. He just wanted Viktor to come back home and eat the dinner he was making and play with the new puppy they got a year ago and watch TV and mock all of the new skaters and just be back. He just wanted Viktor to be back in his life.

When he came to the hospital, the doctor was saying something about how the recovery was successful, but there might have been a few unpredictable side effects. Yuuri didn't really care. Viktor was always kind of weird anyways, so if he were feeling a little more out of it than normal, it wouldn't really matter. He was always going to be Viktor, and he was finally coming home, and he would yell at him for not being careful and –

"Oh? An angel has come to my rescue," Viktor's voice announced. There were bandages all over his head, over his thinning hair. He was wearing that horrible hospital scrub that Viktor hated too. However, despite how different he looked, he was still Viktor.

At least, Yuuri thought so. Looking at those eyes, Yuuri's heart fell, as he did not recognize those eyes. Those eyes didn't seem to recognize him either.

It was amnesia. The doctor explained that Viktor might have forgotten some things about the last few years in his life, including Yuuri. Yuuri had thought this was something out of a soap opera. Viktor was gong to yell out surprise, and he would laugh, and Yuuri would yell at him, but then they would all laugh and finally go home.

No one laughed.

The doctor continued to explain that most patients did regain their memories over time; there was a chance that Viktor might not. There was no way to control how memories came back, and at the worst, Yuuri might just have to face that Viktor will never regain his memories.

He would still be able to talk normally, though he might have some difficulty after being bedridden for the last few days. It was recommended that Viktor had straight home, get used to his surroundings, and rest. Yuuri nodded in response but knew before anything he had to go somewhere first.

The conversation on the car ride had been awkward to say the least. The last thing Viktor remembered was winning his first Grand Prix and not a moment after. Yuuri filled him in on the fact that Viktor came to visit Yuuri in Japan after seeing a video of him skating to coach him. Viktor laughed saying that that was definitely something he would do. Yuuri began telling tale after tale about their journey to Yuuri's Grand Prix with Viktor as his coach, and Viktor would laugh or smile at the appropriate time.

By the time that they made it to the skating rink, Yuuri had thought that Viktor was actually fully recovered and back and things could go back to normal again. That reality shattered when Viktor asked about the skating rink.

"These are gorgeous. Are they your's?" Viktor asked as Yuuri pulled out a pair of skates. Yuuri tried to smile, but his heart shattered when he heard Viktor ask that question.

"I got them as an anniversary present for us," Yuuri explained and revealed the custom design on the side the skate. It was a small proverb that roughly translated to "A fight without a partner cannot be had." Viktor loved them when he saw them and only wore them during special occasions, such as his performance three days ago.

Yuuri actually never got around telling this Viktor (When had it become this Viktor?) that they were actually married. He thought that it was implied through their conversations, but he never made the actual statement. For some reason, Yuuri felt hurt that Viktor had forgotten him. While he understood that it was not on purpose, Yuuri didn't feel as if this Viktor had a right to those private moments Viktor and him shared.

"Ah! I see," Viktor nodded, a small frown forming on his face, and looked beyond the skating rink. "And I am still a good skater then?"

"More than good," Yuuri confirmed. "You were always my favorite skater."

"Ah, you are making me blush. Though, you must have been better than me. I saw that video you posted years ago – the nurse showed me," Viktor explained and hummed the melody of "Stay Close to Me."

"Those jumps and spins were just magical, as if gravity didn't affect you at all. I can still remember Yakov telling me to get my ass off the ice," Viktor explained and pulled on his best Yakov face. Yuuri blushed and gave out small chuckle.

"That was actually your performance. I just copied you," Yuuri admitted and didn't miss the slight cocking of Viktor's head and the beginnings of a smug smile.

"So you were a bigger fan than I first imagined then?" Viktor teased, and Yuuri almost threw the skates back to Viktor to hide his embarrassment.

"Come on, let's skate," Yuuri said as he tied his own skates. Viktor laughed and began taking off his shoes.

Even though Viktor had lost his memory, everything about Viktor was still there. His laugh, his affinity for flirting every moment he got, and most of all, that careful gaze he had when he looked at Yuuri that seemed exclusive to him. Yuuri wasn't so disillusioned that he believed this was going bring Viktor back. However, he couldn't help but hope that this would at least fix his breaking heart.

When Yuuri walked onto the ice, he almost forgot that Viktor had lost his memory and would might need help getting on the ice. However, when he turned back, he was not there. In a panic, Yuuri searched the rink for silver hair.

"Yuuri, I'm right here!" Viktor called out, and right in the center of the ice was Viktor standing confidently, just like always. For a moment, Yuuri had truly believed that the last three days didn't even happen, but the bandages around his husband's head were a heavy reminder. Yuuri gave a small wave and skated over to him.

"Be careful Viktor. You shouldn't get hurt again," Yuuri reprimanded as he skated over to him. Viktor didn't seem to be listening and was humming "Stay Close to Me" again.

Yuuri stood with him in silence. He wasn't really sure what he was going to do at this point. Obviously, Viktor could still skate, but it wasn't like Yuuri wanted him to perform again. He just wanted him back on the rink, to give Yuuri some kind of sense of normalcy again, until Viktor recovered his memory. Unfortunately, Yuuri still felt as if part of him was still gone, locked in wherever Viktor's memory disappeared to. In some sense, his Viktor was still gone, and Yuuri couldn't help but resent this man who came to replace him. Reaching over for Viktor's hand, Yuuri tried to guide him back to the edge. It was a lost cause – something that seemed to make his heart ache more than before.

"Yuuri, how would you describe my skating?" Viktor suddenly asked, not allowing Yuuri to grasp his hand. Yuuri paused, wondering what he was thinking.

"You were always surprising. I always looked forward to your performances. There was a kind of mystery in your performances, like there was going to be some kind of twist ending in it all. Not only that, but also the way you skated and how you looked. It was gorgeous and beautiful, and for a long time, it was the sole source of my inspiration," Yuuri explained, a small smile forming on his face. Had Yuuri been paying attention, he would have noticed the contemplative look on Viktor's face.

"Was?" Viktor asked.

Yuuri chose not to respond. He didn't want to admit that Viktor might be gone forever.

The two of them stood there in silence for a moment before Yuuri realized that the puppy was most likely being tortured by the Axel, Lutz, and Loop. They were only supposed to be away for an hour or so.

"Viktor, let's go-" Yuuri said but stopped as he heard stakes scratching the ice, and music fill the skating rink.

The familiar roar of violins began playing as Yuuri watched Viktor seductively raise his arms and then look over his shoulder and smirked. Yuuri's heart dropped. He was still able to do so after so many years.

As the performance went on, Yuuri's mind kept telling him that Viktor was going to get hurt again. However, his heart began beating faster and faster. This was a different performance than the one Viktor showed his all those years ago, and different still when Viktor tried to beat Yuuri at his own routine.

This performance wasn't just Eros, but it was a desperate kind of love. A love that wasn't immediately understood but known. The playboy had come into town and met a woman but for some reason could not get out of his mind. Even though he could have any woman he wanted, the playboy found himself coming back to this specific woman every night and learning that this wasn't the usual love he was used to.

At the first jump, Yuuri's almost tried to scream for him to stop in a panic, but stopped himself as Viktor managed to land it. The step sequence was a little sloppy, some of the jumps were lower and became triples instead, but the emotion was still there. This was still Viktor skating, despite his memory loss.

As the orchestra ended, Yuuri found his heart beating quickly, as if he had fallen in love all over again. Viktor was gasping for air as well.

"Yuuri," he managed as he dropped form. Yuuri skated as fast as he could and wrapped his arms around Viktor.

"Viktor, why-"

"I don't remember much. I don't remember why I'm in Japan instead of Russia. I can't remember what happened in my last competitive year. I don't even know why I'm with you right now," Viktor admitted but wrapped his arms tighter around Yuuri. "But I can still remember this ghost of emotion when I'm standing here with you and laughing with you and seeing you skate, even for just a moment, made me realize that I must have been in love with you. And for some reason, you must have fell in love with me too?

"Yuuri, I'm sorry I can't remember a single routine or even much less skate at this point, but please, stay with me still?" Viktor asked, his eyes almost begging.

Yuuri stared at them, surprised that Viktor was feeling like this at all. Viktor must have taken his hesitance as a bad sign and released Yuuri. He let out a bitter laugh.

"I know. I must sound so desperate to you right now. Why would someone like you want someone as useless as me?" Viktor muttered, and began skating away. Yuuri broke away from his thoughts and without thinking, grabbed Viktor's hand and pulled him closer for a kiss.

"I love you Viktor," Yuuri declared and held Viktor closed. "Whether you can skate or not doesn't matter to me." Yuuri embraced Viktor in a tight hug and sighed. Even though part of Viktor was gone for now, it didn't mean that Viktor had disappeared.

"Let's just take it in small steps," Yuuri promised, and Viktor, with a glowing smile, nodded. The two of them left the rink with smiles on their faces and hand interlocked with one another.

A year later, when Viktor made a full recovery, Viktor celebrated his recovery with a cake that read "Happy First Anniversary" much to Yuuri's amusement.

"Do you still not remember when we got married?" Yuuri asked, placing a small bit of frosting on Viktor's nose. "You still could never remember even before the accident."

"Nope! This is just the day that I fell in love you again," Viktor flirted and came closer for a kiss. Yuuri blushed but still smiled.

"That's so cheesy," Yuuri teased but kissed him back regardless. After many, many steps, the world was back how it was supposed to be, and Yuuri never regretted the journey it took to get here.


End file.
